How many times I have heard someone say that in my lifetime. In fact, at one time I said that myself. Initially when we decided to adopt, I resisted the option to foster-to-adopt for that very reason. Oh, the risk! The potential to be hurt!
Then the Lord began showing me that His will isn't for me to insulate myself from heartbreak. His will isn't that I build up safeguards around me so that I ensure a risk-free life. He began showing me people who pour out their lives for others...even as their own hearts are vulnerable. I don't think Mother Teresa began serving the poor because she could handle it or "it doesn't really affect me. I don't get attached so I'm the one for the job."
On the contrary, I believe she was the one for the job because she was compelled by Christ to love, to the point of her own discomfort (and even depression).
"For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus; that if One died for all, then all died; and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again." 2 Corinthians 5:14,15
If Christ is my example then it is quite clear that remaining detached and safe is not the game plan. The intensity of His love, the rejection and heartbreak He experienced, the physical pain, the whole "coming down and becoming human" part... there is not another example of One who never holds loved ones at arms length. He has decided it is always worth the fight.
I don't believe everyone is called to foster care but I do believe if we profess Christ as our Savior, we are then to trust Him with our heart- not our own judgment. I have had my heart broken in various ways and as much as I wish I would never again experience that trampled on feeling, I know that the Lord is near to those who have broken hearts. I know He has a beautiful way to redeem the pain eternally and it causes me to be a deeper, more empathetic person in the meantime.
All that being said- I have to remind myself hourly of these beliefs I hold. Every time I scoop up our Little Girly, every time I'm trying to get her to drink a bottle but she's too busy cooing at me- I realize that if I don't get to be her Mom forever I might break.
I suppose I should be holding all of my kids this way: realizing their lives are in the hand of God and not my own, believing that His best is better than my best, and loving them with everything in me for the days that I do have them. Oh...but it's much more real when waiting to hear from CPS if we will get to move forward with adopting.
Regardless of how many days we get to love on Little Girly, I am already amazed at how God has orchestrated her arrival. For months Darla has been drawing pictures of our family and including "the sister we adopt". One picture had a name written above it. I remarked that it was a cute name for a little sister and remembered it because it was the only time Darla put a name on the mysterious "adopted sister". She had read it from a book or something.
When the placement coordinator first called a month ago and described the situation and Little Girly, I told her we would like to have her placed with us.
As I was ready to hang up, the placement coordinator said, "By the way- her name is ___." I hung up feeling miffed and somewhat delighted. It was the same name Darla put on her picture weeks before.
We prayed for her without ceasing, as a family, for the past month. When I took Little Girly to the doctor on Friday he marveled at how well she is doing. He was quite surprised that this was the same Girly that came out of such an unhealthy situation because there are no indicators of her previous situation. It has built our faith knowing how miraculously the Lord protected her.
Speaking of miracles...she just had the best nap yet but is now telling me expressively that it is time to eat!