We have no idea what that might mean for us but it is put together with sheets and a dust ruffle, regardless.
When we intended to adopt last year, I signed up to do foster-to-adopt classes this past January. Then January came. I had the rug pulled out from under me, S. was on sabbatical, nothing was certain and we were pulling all nighters to work through it all. An hour before my foster-to-adopt class began I told my sister on the phone, "I don't think I should go. We don't even know if we're going to have a job. Everything is falling apart. Who am I kidding? We can't think about adopting when we're such a mess!"
My wise sister (who had already been praying about this for me) encouraged me to go anyway. She reminded me that it's something I'm passionate about regardless of when/if it happens. She spoke her prayers to me. I cried and determined to take the classes anyway.
My passion for children, for families, for these situations intensified. My own world felt broken and it caused me to weep for children with broken worlds. Who knew a DSHS class could bring me to tears!? As we talked about uncertainty, failure, a need to be safe, protected, and provided for, I realized that my empathy for others was deepening in unexpected ways. I believe that while the timing seemed laughable to me, the Lord allowed me to go through the class at that time so that I would draw connections to my own need to be safe, protected, and provided for. It gave me something outside of myself to pray for and invest emotionally in.
The class ended and we put our adoption intentions on hold.
In May within a week's time we felt like we were being nudged to continue the process after a conversation with a friend, a blog I happened across, and another conversation. At the end of each instance we thought maybe we should continue with foster licensing even if we can't take a placement until our own lives are settled.
Our paperwork is done and our homestudy is on Thursday. Ironically, When I scheduled the homestudy I thought, "Surely we'll have a set income by July 8." Well, it's looking quite possible that we won't have a set income. Regardless, we have a homestudy and have done what we believe God put on our hearts. What He does with that might be another matter entirely. As with everything in our lives right now; we have been obedient to where we believe He has led, we are waiting, and we have hands open.